Good afternoon Worst

Worst

 

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KarlSvec

Yo Worst!

Worst

 

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KarlSvec

Worst      https://u.to/fhXgFw     Karl

Bonus Post: Lost Quotes

I found three extra quotes that I had written down and lost! Here they are...

Ted and Gooey are cleaning up...

Gooey: "I've put all the cables away, everything is looking good. The only thing I don't know what to do with is this picture of Ted and Tom..."
Ted: "You know? Put it in the trash...better yet put it under your pillow so you can think about us all night...that'll get you going."

AND!!

Ted  emailed a few people a list of the best vehicles, the Ford F150 was ranked number 1...

Gooey: (joking) "Ford is number 1?  Who compiled the list?"
Ted: "Karl Marx!"
Gooey: "Karl Marx?"
Ted: "Actually, I think it was the Automakers Association of America, you know what that is?"

(silence)
Ted: "It's on AOL, I've seen the list in like five places online. It's all over the internet..."

Gooey: "It looks like this came from May sales figures..."
Ted: "Well what it doesn't say is that the F150 has been the best selling vehicle in America, and the World for years. Not toyota...for 15 years...F150."

(silence)
Ted: "It's mainly because businesses use F150s to haul things...equipment or yard supplies, uh, anything....windows companies. They can't use a Toyota for that."

(silence)

FINALLY...

This is a quote of Gooey talking about Ted behind his back...

Gooey: "Oh boy! When someone in Ted's family gets married it's like a week long event here, we have to see all the pictures, of course we hear how great Minneapolis is....you'd think he'd never been there before. It's just on and on and on, to everybody who comes in. He always brings up how he had to dress up, how that part of the city is the best, everything is perfect....it's like he just discovered the area around the stone arch bridge. I've been going there for years!"

It Is Done Megapost

Ted has officially retired. 

This is the last post, the grand finale:

Ted (describing machine control software to one of his foreign students): 
"It’s like Max Headroom…you know, his head shook all around. You wouldn't remember that but I do."

---

The morning after the GOP won control of the house in 2010 Ted walks in and makes a loud announcement, this is the first thing out of his mouth
Ted: "I hope you guys all have your prophylactics, because you'll all have a boner now that you're running congress."
(...LONG SILENCE, Ted looks around with a big grin waiting for a reaction...)
Ted: "I saw on the news last night: BIG FLOOD in St. Paul."
Tom: "What?"
Ted: "Some big, fat GOP spokesman is crying his eyes out that they stole the election."
Tom: "Why would he be crying? Maybe tears of joy...they won!"
Ted: "I don't know. I hate big fat cry babies, and I hate you conservatives."

later that week...

Ted: "The problem is that most people who have jobs vote for Republicans...protectionism. Not me. They'll be wishing that they voted for the Democrats when they're standing in the unemployment line....they're the, uh, problem."

---

Ted and Tom are finishing up a project...

Ted: "Hey Tom, I'm printing the procedure now, can you take it and go make a copy?"
Tom: "Why don't you just print a second copy?"
Ted: "Just make a copy it's not that hard!"
Tom (walking away): "It's easier to just print another copy."
Ted (very angry, yelling): "GIVE ME THE FU--ING PAPER! I'LL DO IT MYSELF."

---

Ted walks in mad and starts talking about the parking lot...
Ted: "I was going through there and some lady, with her head all wrapped up, in one of those crappy Toyotas, was racing through there with a look on her face like 'I'm coming Allah.'"

---

At Lunch, loudly, in a crowded cafeteria, describing his experiences at Walmart...
Ted: "All I know is that whenever I go through the lanes there, half the time the guy working is a towel head and the other half he is a flaming fa--ot."

---

Ted (Angry and very loudly after a mild political conversation at break. Tom, his closest friend in the office, gets up to leave.): "BITCH!"

We love you!

It's Not Magic

Ted, teaching the foreign employee (who is highly educated), who he has no respect for (probably because of her young age, and the fact that she is not American)...

Ted  (talking about electronics, which Jan has a degree in): "I'm trying to teach you this stuff.  It's not magic.  It may seem like magic, but it's not.  That's what I'm trying to show you."

...

Pics

Once again, Ted is teaching Jan, the foreign employee who he has no respect for:

Ted: "You'll have to give me your notes so that I can look them over.  Let me see them, you know?  I want to see what you wrote about the main process."

Jan (stunned): ".. ... ..."

Ted (notices that her laptop is open, and looks at whatever image is on her screen): "I see you got some good pictures of the process on there.  Good!  Do you have any of the harness?"

Jan: "Yes."

Ted: "I don't see it."

Jan (using her laptop): "It's here."

Ted (not looking): "I'll send you the picture."

(Ted gets up and starts walking to his desk as Tom walks in)

Jan: "I've got it here."

Ted: "Oh, I didn't see it.  It must have been on a different page.  You gotta have a picture of the harness, it's, oh, there's Tom.  HEY!  Tom, do you have a picture of the, uh, screen?  That's important.   I thought I saw you take one toward the end of the day. (walks over to Jan's computer) ... ... Scroll down.  Uh, what's that?  A movie!  Movies!  Yeah, my camera does that, or pictures."

...

Know It All

Ted: "That's one thing about my job, I have to know it all.  I have to know something about everything.  We got a lot of smart people here, but they only know about one thing.  It's their life work.  I have to know it all...it's a lot.  Sometimes I get home and I just (rubs head)...you know?  My brain is fried."

Bad Mood

At lunch Ted is complaining about management and is in a terrible mood...

Ted: "Our previous director said some things that made me kind of shaky."

Me: "Really, like what?"

Ted: "I don't have a word for word print out."

Matt: "I don't think he wanted a transcript."

Me: "I just meant the topic."

Ted (angry): "Well, uh, headcount reduction.  Is that enough for ya?"

(silence)

...

Driving in America

Jan, a foreign employee who is here for Ted to train is talking to Ted about how she learned to drive, she mentioned that she drives slow because of her training...

Ted: "Uh, yeah.  We noticed that Asians have trouble driving here.  People from other countries have trouble driving here.  Slow drivers.  Uh, we have a lot of Somalis and they, uh, wear these head wraps around their heads and then they got no peripheral vision, so I (backs chair up) give them a lot of space."

...

Good Guys

Ted, loudly on the phone...

Ted: "You and me are two of the last good ones, we got the job done. (pause, listening) Hold on, I was trying to say that, uh, you don't find that anymore with these new guys."

...

Tiny Bit

Ted, teaching the employee from Europe...

Ted: "This software, anyone can use it.  I can teach anyone anywhere to use it if they have a microga...uh, tiny bit of computer experience.  But sometimes I make a mistake though, like Tom will talk about fast cars and I will make a connection wrong."

I've never heard Tom talk about fast cars.

Clubs

Ted is sliding his chair over to my desk...

Me (joking): "Pleas keep one floor tile away to give me my space."

Ted (defensive): "How about a few clubs to your head?"

..

Bounce

Ted and Gooey are discussing a software glitch.  Completely unprovoked...

Gooey: "Whoa! I wasn't expecting such a long string length."

Ted: "Call that compiler up and I'll bounce your head off the keyboard a couple of times to increase the string length."

...

Jokes

Tom has a very good sense of humor, Ted has almost none...

Ted (very serious): "Tom, when it comes to jokes either you don't get it, or you change the subject."

...

USB Memory Stick

Ted is teaching the employee from Europe...

Ted: "You can load the data on a USB Thumb Drive. You know?  USB Thumb Drive?  Uh, a USB memory stick?  Yes? ... ... ... I don't know what you call them in your country.  I call them 'USB stick memory drive'.  Some people say 'thumb drive'.  They're small.  Some of them are actually miniature hard drives so you can't use them at high altitudes because they have a thin layer of air between layers of film.  I think that they couldn't use the first iPods on airplanes for that reason."

...

Language

Ted is talking to the employee from Europe...

Ted: "When I was in Puerto Rico I learned to recognize certain words.  'Frio' is 'Frozen' for example...I didn't recognize all the words, just some of them.  It's like in France you could see an advertisement for 'Coca-Cola' and know what it is."

European Guy: "I think everybody know what that is."

Ted: "Yeah.  But what I'm saying is that it doesn't translate.  There is no translation.  Like 'Tide' in, uh...France would still be 'Tide'."

The European guy looks confused

Ted: "It's a laundry detergent.  Or, uh, like, uh...'Budweiser'.  There is no translation...That's what I'm saying."

...

Dancing to Serious

Ted, teaching the foreign employee from Asia, who he has no respect for....

Ted (starts dancing and sings): "Read and click the mouse, and hook things up, that's all there is.  (turning very serious)  Well, that's not all there is, there is a lot going on.  But you still need to read."

...

Map

Ted is showing an employee from Europe who is only here for a very short time a map of his neighborhood...

Ted: "Now here is a house I can see from my house!  But it's in a different area code!  And up here, there are a lot of good restaurants and a Fleet Farm.  It's a farm store but they don't sell produce."

...

Thoughts on Retirement

Ed, who rarely comes around, is saying goodbye to Ted before he retires...

Ed: "So what are your feelings?"
Ted: "Well, I'm going to walk up to the door and open it and go to the other side. Do you understand that? Just like everything else in life, you gotta do it. Do you understand?  I've done a lot, I've had some good times and some bad times..."
Gooey: "Mostly bad."
Ted: "You understand.  I mean all the funerals...all the people who die at work, I go to their funerals."



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