Ted has officially retired.
This is the last post, the grand finale:
Ted (describing machine control software to one of his foreign students):
"It’s like Max Headroom…you know, his head shook all around. You wouldn't remember that but I do."
The morning after the GOP won control of the house in 2010 Ted walks in and makes a loud announcement, this is the first thing out of his mouth
Ted: "I hope you guys all have your prophylactics, because you'll all have a boner now that you're running congress."
(...LONG SILENCE, Ted looks around with a big grin waiting for a reaction...)
Ted: "I saw on the news last night: BIG FLOOD in St. Paul."
Tom: "What?"
Ted: "Some big, fat GOP spokesman is crying his eyes out that they stole the election."
Tom: "Why would he be crying? Maybe tears of joy...they won!"
Ted: "I don't know. I hate big fat cry babies, and I hate you conservatives."
later that week...
Ted: "The problem is that most people who have jobs vote for Republicans...protectionism. Not me. They'll be wishing that they voted for the Democrats when they're standing in the unemployment line....they're the, uh, problem."
Ted and Tom are finishing up a project...
Ted: "Hey Tom, I'm printing the procedure now, can you take it and go make a copy?"
Tom: "Why don't you just print a second copy?"
Ted: "Just make a copy it's not that hard!"
Tom (walking away): "It's easier to just print another copy."
Ted (very angry, yelling): "GIVE ME THE FU--ING PAPER! I'LL DO IT MYSELF."
Ted walks in mad and starts talking about the parking lot...
Ted: "I was going through there and some lady, with her head all wrapped up, in one of those crappy Toyotas, was racing through there with a look on her face like 'I'm coming Allah.'"
At Lunch, loudly, in a crowded cafeteria, describing his experiences at Walmart...
Ted: "All I know is that whenever I go through the lanes there, half the time the guy working is a towel head and the other half he is a flaming fa--ot."
Ted (Angry and very loudly after a mild political conversation at break. Tom, his closest friend in the office, gets up to leave.): "BITCH!"
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